when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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