where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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