New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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