I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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