Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
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I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
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I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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