You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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