Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize