Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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