I faked an abortion last night.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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