Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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