Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
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I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
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Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He shit in the fireplace
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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