apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
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Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
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He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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