we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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