Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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