Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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