Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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