hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
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The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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