I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
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God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
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Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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