Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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