i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize