I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
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this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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