Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize