How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
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He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
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How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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