am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
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The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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