Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Acid is not a monday night drug
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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