His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize