i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize