What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize