Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
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He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
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His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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