I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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