i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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