I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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