I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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