I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
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She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
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Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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