Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
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So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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