I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
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The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
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we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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