Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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