He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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