your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
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And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
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no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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