Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
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sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
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I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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