idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
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I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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