you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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