i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
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I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
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Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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