Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize