So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
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you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
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I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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