jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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