Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this will be a night to untag.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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