No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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