I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize