also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
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We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
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Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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